I wrote this personal essay for a writing class this year. Today marks the seventh anniversary of the moments I write about in the essay. There are so many people who have supported me along the way. I am thankful for my good fortune and for having so much love and support. Having been a lot of the time encouraging others to see how they can live more substantial lives through making a commitment to education and communication means I better celebrate this day for all of us. There are so many more who live in silence and must find their way out.
Feelings of terror and excitement overwhelmed me as we drove to Soma’s office. Our hopes for my future were riding entirely on this opportunity. How would I do? What would my mom think of it? Would I finally break out of my prison of silence? With these thoughts racing through my mind, we pulled into the parking lot, and there she stood, looking at her watch impatiently.
I had been living in a prison of silence for ten years and I wanted to be set free.
I had always loved words and often made many interesting stories in my mind, but I could not speak them because of my motor disability. My only hope was Soma. My friend, James, had made it out of his silent prison with Soma’s help and I desperately cried out in my silence to her, “Please save me!”
“Ready?,”Soma said with no introductions as we stepped out of the car. She was all business, and I was more than ready. I jumped in the air with excitement and ran into her waiting room. Having to scare my fears away and make space for hope again was exhilarating.
Calling out information in her smooth, rhythmic way, Soma, the champion of people like me, introduced me to the world of spelling out my thinking letter by letter. As Soma ripped paper and asked me to select my answers to her interesting questions, my head nearly exploded with determination to show my gifts to the world. I needed to show my mom that these things were coming from me. I listened intently to what Soma tried to teach me. Then I grabbed the pencil and started to try to spell out my answers on the letter board. I was doing it! Could my mom see how important this was to me?
Having this opportunity to see Soma lifted the chains of my imprisonment right off. Getting them to stay off would be my next battle. I needed to see to it that my mom would take the time to learn to spell with me. I tried to shout out to her, “Dare to do this, Mom!” but, like always, my words sat in my mind, wanting desperately to see the light of day.
“It’s going to take a lot of hard work,” Soma said to my mom. “That’s okay,” said my mom in reply. I really wanted this to be true, but I also knew that my mom was already so tired from everything that she was doing to try to support me. Finding our way took us to so many places where my mom would be told another thing to work on with me. Trying one more thing always tired her out even more. “Please use your life’s energy for this, Mom,” I prayed silently.
Spelling with my mom took every inch of commitment and some tears too. Aligning my body with my mind always takes tremendous effort. Thankfully, we give our all to nearly everything, and now my mom is my best communication partner. The many words that I have been able to communicate since seeing Soma are living in this world because my mom rolled up her sleeves, trusted her instincts, and spent many hours allowing me to see what I could accomplish with proper support. Determined and committed, I promise to do what I can to save others from their prisons of silence.
So well done, Graciela! You described it beautifully! I was lucky to be there with you and your mom and experience what a difference this could make in your life. How we knew for so long you had so much to offer, it just couldn’t be inparted without some means of communicating without speech. You amazed us that day, made us realize you had a great vocabulary, that even tho your body maybe tapping or other things, you were always listening and undertstanding, that you knew how to add and subtract numbers. Absolutely, amazed us. We left Soma’s office the first day, so grateful for her and also in wonder of you and all you had learned over the years. Thank God for Soma and her determination to produce this method for her son who was non-verble and be willing to teach others this method. I love your heart to also care about others that are non-verbal and have been locked up all their lives. I know you have advocated for them since you were able. I also remember being when I believe you were on your 1 panel and a parent indicated it was much too hard to help her child with the letter board and you came back with “Bull Shit” and explained that with time and determination, it certainly could be done. I believe that mom had a lot to think about when she went home. Love you, Graciela, so wonderful to see how you appreciate your mom for putting in all the effort. How you have progressed and are so darn smart and love learning. So much more to come of your life. You are so admired!
I love you too, grandma!
Hi, G, and thank you (and your mom) for this. I have a fearful nature, and living with the pandemic has made it worse. Recently I have tried to be more courageous (for me) in small ways. Reading about the courage and effort that you put forth seven years ago and every day since, is inspiring. Your words are your power, G, and like a powerful rocket, it takes a lot of energy to fight gravity and launch them. You are fighting gravity and winning. I’m so proud to know you and your mom.
I can relate to the terrible powerlessness that is often accompanied by too much fear. Life is full of obstacles and opportunities that are there for a reason. Allowing ourselves to be able to be courageous enough to make progress in spite of our fear is wonderful.
Your essay was so moving and I can relate to all your fears. Can we understand why people question us? Unleash our voices let our voices be heard.
Cris 31
Non-speaker
Amen!
Simply and utterly AWESOME!
Thank you!
Thank you for your blog, it’s beautifully written. I have been working with non speaking kids off and on for the past 20 years. I just recently learned about spelling to communicate through the book Underestimated. I immediately applied for the practitioner training program, which I am currently in. Like you, I want to share this with as many non speakers as possible. I’m so glad that you found your voice and are sharing with others.