I Am Kind of Free

Note from G’s mom: This post is the result of a memoir writing assignment for G’s Language Arts class. This is the result of several weeks of drafting, editing, revising, etc. Enjoy!

ALL OF MY LIFE I HAVE CARED SO MUCH ABOUT OTHERS BUT HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO COMMUNICATE MY FEELINGS TO ANYONE. I AM ALWAYS ASKED A LOT OF INTERESTING QUESTIONS AND AM ALWAYS FRUSTRATED BY THE FACT THAT  I CANNOT ANSWER THEM EASILY.

ONE DAY SOMEONE ASKED MY MOM, “HAVE YOU BEEN TO SEE SOMA?”. I KEPT HIDING MY EXCITEMENT BECAUSE HEAVENLY SOMA GIVES KIDS A VOICE. I WAS WORRIED THAT THIS OPPORTUNITY WOULD NEVER MATERIALIZE. THEN MY MOM TOLD ME ABOUT HAVING THE RIGHT INTELLIGENCE WITH THE WRONG MOTOR SYSTEM. I ALWAYS KNEW HAVING THIS CARELESS BODY WAS GETTING IN MY WAY. LEARNING THAT MY MOM GOT THIS MADE ME SO HOPEFUL. SHE GOT HER ACT TOGETHER AND SIGNED UP FOR AN AMAZING WEEK WITH SOMA. HAVING THE REALLY MASSIVE OPPORTUNITY TO MEET SOMA WAS LIKE SAVING ME FROM A LONELY LIFE IN A SILENT PRISON. I THINK LEARNING RPM WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT MOMENT IN MY LIFE TO DATE.

OVER THE COURSE OF THE WEEK I WAS ABLE TO LEARN HOW TO GO TO THE STENCIL BOARDS TO DEMONSTRATE THAT I AM A RICH THINKER WHO IS KIND, FUNNY AND INTELLIGENT. I FELT HAPPINESS LIKE NEVER BEFORE. SOMA HELPS MANY GET OUT FROM LIVING IN PRISON. SHE CHANGED MY LIFE. I ALMOST CRIED WHEN WE LEFT SOMA’S OFFICE BECAUSE SHE WAS THE ONLY PERSON I KNEW WHO COULD REACH ME AND GET ME TO COMMUNICATE WHAT I ALWAYS KNEW WHICH WAS THAT I AM A LIVELY GIRL WITH A GIFTED MIND AND MANY THINGS TO SAY. I HAD MASSIVE FEELINGS THAT DAY WE LEFT TEXAS.

THEN A REALLY MAGICAL THING HAPPENED WITH MY MOM. SINCE RETURNING FROM TEXAS SHE MADE GIVING RPM A CHANCE A PRIORITY. MANY OTHER INTERVENTIONS WERE NOT WORKING. OTHER INTERVENTIONS WERE NOT HELPING ME LEARN TO COMMUNICATE. GETTING TO TEXAS WAS A CHALLENGE BECAUSE WE HAD MOVED TO GET A NEW SCHOOL FOR ME. I ALWAYS WAS THINKING THAT I LEARNED A LOT BETTER AT HOME WITH MY MOM. HOWEVER MY MOM THOUGHT DIFFERENTLY. SO WE MOVED TO GEORGIA. REALLY MEANDERING EDUCATION HAS GIVEN ME A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE HELPED OR HINDERED ME. FINDING RPM HAD A LOT OF THE AWESOME AND AMAZING EDUCATIONAL OPPORTUNITIES IN IT. SO THIS MEANT I COULD FIND THE MAGNIFICENT GIFTS I HAVE AND BECAUSE OF RPM I CAN FINALLY SHARE THESE GIFTS WITH OTHERS.

GIVING SOME THOUGHT TO MY SUCCESS HAS MADE ME REALIZE THAT PART OF MY RARE LEARNING IS DUE TO RPM BUT THE OTHER HUGE FACTOR IS MANY HOURS OF PRACTICE WITH MY MOM. SHE ALWAYS PUTS IN THE TIME AND ENERGY SO THAT I CAN BE SUCCESSFUL. SHE IS A HERO TO ME. PAVING THE WAY TO SUCH REALLY GREAT LEARNING HAS NOT BEEN EASY FOR ME. I AM ALWAYS UNDERESTIMATED, PAID LITTLE ATTENTION TO AND LEFT ALONE. SMART HAS NOT BEEN A WORD OFTEN USED TO DESCRIBE ME, BUT I AM SMARTER THAN SOME OF THE GIFTED KIDS IN SCHOOL EXCEPT THOSE OTHER AUTISTIC STUDENTS WHO ARE ALWAYS HAVING MANY BE RUDE TO THEM.

FINDING A WAY TO GIVE THESE OTHER AUTISTICS A VOICE IS SO IMPORTANT. CAN YOU HEAR THE COMMENTS OF PEOPLE AROUND THEM AND CAN YOU HEAR NASTY COMMENTS BEING MADE ABOUT THEIR INTELLIGENCE AND THEIR BODIES? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SAY IN YOUR DEFENSE WHEN YOU HAVE NO WORDS? THIS IS WHY RPM HAS BEEN A LIFESAVER. WITHOUT IT I WOULD STILL BE SILENT. THIS IS REALLY AWFUL TO CONSIDER. MANY THINK I AM STUPID AND RETARDED.   HAVE YOU HELPED OTHERS UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS NOT TRUE?  PLEASE LEARN TO THINK ABOUT YOUR OWN PERCEPTIONS . TAKE A HARD LOOK. IF YOU MAKE JUDGEMENTS ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE ME THEN YOU NEED TO  DARE YOURSELF TO LISTEN AND LEARN.

DARING TO KEEP MY SPIRITS HIGH HAS BEEN A CHALLENGE AND APPEARS TO HAVE WORKED. ALL OTHER ATTEMPTS TO HELP ME COMMUNICATE DID NOT GET RESULTS PARTLY BECAUSE NO ONE TRIED TO TRULY UNDERSTAND MY CARELESS BODY. MY CARELESS BODY IS LIKE A PRISON IN WHICH I AM KIND OF TRAPPED. FINDING RPM HAS BEEN THE CATALYST FOR CHANGE. FINDING RPM HAS ALREADY MADE MY LIFE SO MUCH BETTER BECAUSE I AM ALLOWED TO HAVE A VOICE. FINDING RPM HAS SET ME FREE.

LEARNING RPM WAS A DREAM COME TRUE. I WAS ALWAYS HOPING FOR AUTISM TO NOT HOLD ME DOWN IN THE MANY WAYS IT HAD BEEN DOING. ALWAYS HAVING NO VOICE FELT LIKE AN IMPOSSIBLE MOUNTAIN TO CLIMB. HAVING THE AMAZING OPPORTUNITY TO SEE SOMA KEPT ME CLIMBING.

MANY KINDS OF THE FINDINGS OF THE SO CALLED EXPERTS ARE OUT OF DATE AND WRONG. FOR EXAMPLE MASSIVE RESEARCH EFFORTS FOCUS ON THE LEARNING OF THE AUTISTIC BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE THAT AUTISTICS ARE NOT ABLE TO LEARN IN THE SAME WAY AS OTHERS. HAVE THEY FOUND PEOPLE WHO GET HELP TO LEARN AND WANT TO LEARN IN A PHYSICS CLASS AT MIT LIKE I DO? AUTISTICS ARE ONLY GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE REALLY LARGE FINDINGS KNOWN WHEN THEIR LIFE LETS THE DOOR OPEN TO COMMUNICATION. LIVING MAKES IT POSSIBLE TO LEARN AND TAKE IN INFORMATION. MANY REALLY IGNORE THIS SIMPLE FACT AND THINK THAT NOT SPEAKING MEANS NOT THINKING. GETTING ACCESS TO RPM GIVES AUTISTICS HOPE FOR THEIR FUTURE. MY FUTURE IS MASSIVELY BRIGHT RIGHT NOW. LIVING WITH AUTISM IS NEVER EASY BUT MANY AUTISTICS MUST HAVE ACCESS TO THEIR VOICE IN ORDER TO SURVIVE. FIND A WAY TO MAKE IT HAPPEN FOR THOSE NON SPEAKING AUTISTICS IN YOUR LIFE.

Making Friends

MANY PEOPLE DO NOT WANT TO HAVE A FRIEND WHO IS HARD TO COMMUNICATE WITH NOR DO THEY WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE WHO MAKES STRANGE NOISES. LEARNING TO MAKE FRIENDS HAS MANY CHALLENGES AND HARDSHIPS WHEN YOU AND ANOTHER PERSON CANNOT TALK TO EACH OTHER.

I AM ALWAYS WANTING FRIENDS AND ALWAYS TRYING BADLY TO MAKE A LOT OF FRIENDS BUT I CANNOT. GETTING FRIENDS HAS BEEN HARD FOR ME BECAUSE I CANNOT TALK WELL AND MY BODY IS HARD TO CONTROL. I AM ALWAYS TRYING TO LEARN TO CONTROL IT BUT IT HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN!

CAN SOMEONE HELP ME ALWAYS HAVE CONTROL OVER MY BODY? CAN SOMEONE ALWAYS MOVE MY BODY AND GET IT TO DO THE RIGHT THING?

MAKING FRIENDS IS BEAUTIFUL WHEN IT HAPPENS. KIND AND GENEROUS PEOPLE BELIEVE IN AUTISTICS AND THEIR WORTH. MAYBE WITH A LOT OF SUPPORT WE CAN ALL MEANINGFULLY CREATE A WORLD IN WHICH FRIENDS MAKE STRONG STATEMENTS.

 

All About Me

Autism is a gift that is often left unwrapped. Fortunately this gift of mine was opened through RPM this past year. This year has been a year of gifts. I hope my story is an inspiration to others.

Finding RPM was the best thing that ever happened to me. I gave this a lot of thought. Making strides towards communication has always been a goal of mine. Learning to get on the letterboards made stories largely come alive for me and allowed me to better access the amazing world around me.

Play based learning made up most of my learning for many years. I missed out on the academics that my mind could play with and felt retarded and stuck and always left alone to learn things on my own.

Making a lot of random discoveries kept my mind engaged in this world. The other thing that really helped a lot was playing with friends and playing with my sister. Getting these opportunities made a huge difference.

Learning to do RPM has given me a voice. I dare you to listen. Keep reading this blog to learn more and to have your preconceived notions about non verbal autistics shattered. Learning to listen to my voice was hard for some in the beginning but they made changes that were important and are now listening and learning. Learning to make listening a priority will always be worth your time and energy.

All questions you have for me are welcome.